Sigh.

I'm torturing myself tonight by watching military homecomings on youtube. Not sure what made me decide to do that, but now it's hurting. I'm at the point now where it really feels like we're entering the home stretch, but in reality still have a ways to go. It makes me anxious because now I'm more focused on him coming home than ever and it doesn't help time to pass any faster. I do believe and feel that it's coming to an end, but we still have two months to go and that's no small thing. I don't have a lot of things planned out either and that's no help. I just miss him, so much. I miss being able to just talk to him when I have something to say, not have to write it down to be sure I remember to tell him the next time we chat. I miss joking around with him and picking on each other. I miss having a normal conversation about day to day boring stuff, not just plans for the future or the what ifs. I miss having a normal life that doesn't revolve around deployment. I know we're almost there, but the hole in my heart that his absence has left feels particularly huge tonight. And it really doesn't help that last night he told me it looks like his homecoming date has been pushed back by a few weeks. Nothing is for certain of course, but that's the last thing I wanted to hear. It is what it is, it's totally normal and it shouldn't have caught me off guard, but it did, and I hurt. I long for the day when this is all over, and tonight, I'm certain I'll be crying myself to sleep.