On her own

My little girl is sleeping in her own room now. We decided it was probably time since she completely fills her bassinet. It's been really great and I think she loves her new bed. She has much more room to roll around and the vibrating feature and sounds that come with the pack n play are awesome. I was a little paranoid at first, but we have a monitor and I'm pretty sensitive to it. She still ends up in bed with me in the mornings so I can sleep in, but I don't mind snuggling!

Leila is really starting to figure out how to use her hands to grab things. I saw her in the rear view mirror in the car playing with her new teething toy. Usually I hand her things and they just sit there, but this time she was actively playing. Sniff. What a big girl.

Reina had a puppy. Just one. We named her Kallie and so far she seems to be doing well. It's weird only seeing one little puppy in there with her, but I'm so relieved that we only have to worry about selling one. I can't wait til she's a little bigger and opens her eyes and plays! Puppies are so fun, but I definitely don't want to keep her.

I have a friend who has a son with a heart condition. I follow her blog and he's been doing very well and was supposed to undergo open heart surgery in January to correct the problems. Well a few days ago his oxygen levels were dangerously low and he ended up being life flighted to a bigger hospital and had to have surgery. It was only a shunt that was put in for now and they'll have to wait until he's 9 months to fully correct the problem. It was very touch and go but he seems to be doing very well now. If you are at all interested in following his story, here is the link for his blog www.preciousmason.blogspot.com Neysa is an incredible mother and I love reading her blogs.

I seem to be going through some sort of inner crisis, turmoil, confusion, or whatever. I don't know really how to describe it other than I keep thinking that I'm falling short. I thought maybe it was guilt over not working, but we don't NEED me to work and with Leila refusing the bottle, I have no option to work until she's older anyways. And even that isn't about the money, just more that I think maybe I'll feel better about myself if I can contribute in that way to our family. I don't just want any job though, if I were going to be away from my baby at all, it would have to be doing something I love. But I'm not completely convinced that's what my problem is.

I'm just kind of in a funk, where I feel out of place. I LOVE being a mother and being at home with Leila, but I guess I just feel like I'm not very good at it. My house is cluttered with stuff that we have no room for, and it just always feels like there's something I need to be doing, but don't. And she's not even old enough to be making the mess. How's the house gonna look when she can destroy it in seconds??? I'm not a very crafty mother either and that bothers me too. I just really lack in creativity with that kind of thing and feel like it's not even worth my time to try. I'm not sure how to shake this feeling of inadequacy, but it needs to go away soon or I might start to really feel down on myself. Hopefully the holidays will help.

I am happy to say that I'm all done Christmas shopping and have those presents wrapped. I can't say the same thing for Kolt, but he's been really busy with work. Plus, Kolt is a procrastinator. He'll probably wait until right before Christmas and then be hating life because of all of the blasted people crammed into the stores. Poor guy, hope he gets it done soon!

No word on Kolt's deployment yet. Like I keep saying, we expect it any time and hope it comes sooner rather than later. The more time Mr. Last Minute has to get the mile long check list of stuff done, the better. Also, the more time we'll have to plan my move back to Idaho. The more I think about that, the more my head hurts. It's going to be a logistical night mare, and if I'm already stressed about it, I can only imagine how that stress will multiply. That's just NOT going to be any fun at all.

Alright, I suppose that's enough for now. Hope the Holiday Season is treating you all well. I'm sure there will be more posts before Christmas.