Friday, August 12, 2011

One more week


I have a feeling this week is going to be really emotional for me. In one week my beautiful baby will be one. I'll no longer have an "infant", I'll have a toddler, despite the fact that she still has yet to toddle. I'm saving a blog post about her and for her for next week, but I just can't get it out of my mind how quickly this year went. How I went from a itty bitty new born who just cried and snuggled and ate, to this big girl who crawls, and laughs, and plays, and gets into everything. It's such a cliche to say "they grow so fast" but it is so true. I'm finding a lot of people are asking me if I'm excited for her birthday. "Um, no. Not so much." is my typical reply. Should I be excited? I suppose. I truly do LOVE the little person she's turning into. Watching a baby grow and learn is the most rewarding thing about being a mother and I have no doubts that my hands are going to be full with her and her big ol' attitude and energy. But she makes me smile when I'm sad, she loves me perfectly and purely, she is the best thing to ever happen to me. Through the sleepless nights, and the tantrums, and the biting, she is my precious little girl, and she ALWAYS will be.

I think a really big part of my trepidation about this, is that Kolt is going to miss it. First birthdays are a BIG deal, the biggest next to 16 in my humble opinion. There's just something about celebrating a first birthday that is so special and wonderful, and yet..... he doesn't get to be here. We had an early party for her before he left, and I'm SO glad we did, but his presence will be noticeably absent on Saturday and I hope I can make it through without crying. I opted just to do a family birthday, rather than ones with all of my friends up here for this very reason. I feel the need to have the support from the people I rely on most. True it's Leila's party, but the guests will be there to support me through that special day, since my husband can't be. It's one of the many reasons I'm so glad we came home. There are just some things, no matter how great of friends you have, that you need your own family for.

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