Take a chill pill

I need to loosen up. I have a tendency to freak out when things don't go the way I planned, or when my child is acting like the toddler she is, or when I have something that I want to do and it doesn't turn out the way I'd hoped. I had a bad day the other day. Leila was being more crazy than usual and acting up and breaking things and making messes (all of which I know are perfectly normal toddler behaviors) and by the end of the day, I just lost it. I made a whiney facebook post about it, got lots of good feedback and sympathy, and appreciated the ability to vent, but now I realize that it probably just made me look like an incompetent mother. Those with lots of kids or older kids all laughed I'm sure about my gigantic fear of having a second child and a toddler. "Haha just you wait, you think your life is crazy now? Muahahaha." Is what I imagine going through all of their minds. I'm not a neat freak, I'm not OCD about how things are arranged, but it does drive me bonkers when Leila gets toys out just to get them out and doesn't play with them. It drives me nuts when she decides she's done with her food and turns it upside down to empty her plate or bowl. It makes me crazy when I've asked my dogs for the hundredth time to stay out of the kitchen while we eat (because then Leila likes to throw them her food) and they keep coming back and begging for more.

It does me no good to stress about all of this.  Logically I understand this. And yet I still lose my temper and scream at my dogs. I still cry after Leila has made a huge mess for the tenth time that day. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe not. I do know that if I'm going to survive with two kids and a husband that deploys semi frequently that I've got to learn to chill out. My kid is crazy but she's also incredibly smart and funny. She brightens my days up and is full of love and joy. She tests my patience but is also the first to come and hug me and give me a kiss when I break down from being stressed about stupid things. This is just a difficult age. Old enough to know what she wants, not quite old enough to always say so in a way I always understand. Strong enough to climb up on everything and try to jump off and fly, not wise enough to understand the danger. She will eventually get there, and I just need to try and enjoy the ride until that day comes. Because then I'm sure I'll see my little girl all grown up, and wonder what in the world happened to my baby.

**As a side note, we found out baby #2 is a boy! We couldn't be more thrilled.**

Making Friends

I figured being a military wife that I would learn to make friends, and I'd see those friends come and go. I also planned on there being an awesome community of wives so that it would be easy to make friends. Yea not so much. Even living on base our neighbors never spoke to us, but to be fair I never made an effort either. I'm not the type of person to go knock on someone's door and say "hey would you be my friend??" It seems so pathetic. I feel like if they're looking for friends, they'll find me. As a result, I have precious few friends here. Two of them are in the USAF themselves and work and so I don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like. I need to build up an group of fellow stay at home moms like myself. One's who are alone with their kids all day every and bored as much as I am. Don't get me wrong, I love being at home with my daughter and wouldn't have it any other way, but I get lonely and the days drag. I feel like such a loser trying to make friends, it takes me back to my childhood. Am I cool enough, popular enough, pretty enough? It's pathetic and I know it, but it's how I feel.

I don't really have any good place to meet people either, that's my biggest problem. There is no unity or community among Kolt's co-workers, or they're all older and in a different place in their lives. Leila isn't in pre-school or anything like that and while I would love a play group, I have no clue how to find one or create one when I don't know anyone. I've thought about organizing a block party as my neighborhood is new and none of us know anyone, but it's a busy street and I'm not sure the best way to go about it. I just feel bored, lonely, and trapped some days. I need to fix this before next summer when Kolt deploys again (nothing is for certain but I'm sure he will). I need a good social network to rely on and no one is going to create one for me. Some how I need to break out of my shell and meet people, if anyone has any tips or suggestions, I'd appreciate them.