Weight Woes and Plateaus

I decided to make this a separate post. I have hit the dreaded "plateau" with my weight loss. I started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred 6 days ago and have yet to lose a pound. I thought for sure by finally incorporating exercising that the pounds would just fly off of me, but just the opposite has happened. It has been so frustrating that I've been working my butt off and have nothing to show for it. I will keep at it though and hopefully by adjusting my eating I will be ok. I'm going to eat more, not less surprisingly enough. By incorporating healthy snacks and keeping my metabolism fed all day, I hope that will restart the weight loss. I think I've been eating way to little and I'm lucky my milk supply hasn't taken a hit. I think I've learned my lesson though. Wish me luck. If I get on the scale again to find I haven't lost any, I just may kill someone.

Also, Kolt and I have done some research and are attempting to eliminate as much high fructose corn syrup from our diet as possible. I've watched the commercials that are pro corn syrup and thought they made perfect sense, the problem is if you actually take the time to look at the labels on food it's in EVERYTHING. And I mean everything, so getting it in moderation is difficult unless you make a conscientious effort to avoid it. Kolt and I did this for the first time and it wasn't as hard as we thought, but you DO have to read labels. Also another note of caution, just because it says "Sugar Free" does not mean there is no corn syrup. In fact, it tends to have it more. Kolt was grabbing coffee creamer and reached for the sugar free one and it was sugar free, but had corn syrup instead. SNEAKY SNEAKY!

Kolt and I are just trying to make a good effort over all to eat better, whole grains, lower sugar, no HFCS, etc. Will we still eat junk? Of course, but less crap and more good quality food is what we're going for. One of the big reasons I want to make the switch is I don't want Leila eating that crap. I want only the best and healthiest things to go into her body, so why shouldn't I want that for myself? I hope this is the start of an over all life style change for us.

Pride, not sorrow

Yesterday Kolt and I were talking and I brought up the fact that it bothers me when I tell people that he is deploying and they respond with, "I'm so sorry." Granted, I know they are just trying to offer support in anyway they can and I know they aren't trying to sound patronizing or anything like that, but it's like they're offering condolences. I truly appreciate the support and concern, but THIS is what he signed up for. He wanted to take care of wounded soldiers and vets and deploying will be the best way for him to do that. He is very excited for the opportunity to go and it surprised me when he himself said he was getting the same response from people when he told them he was deploying. It's not something to be sorry about, it's part of his job and he is happy to do it.

Now, I know that I've been talking a lot how hard this will be on Leila and me, mostly just me, but that doesn't mean that I want or expect people to feel sorry for me. I may need a shoulder to cry because I'm going to miss him more than I can even possibly imagine, but don't feel sorry for me. Feel proud of Kolt. I'm married to an incredible man who is selflessly giving his time to take care of those who truly sacrifice for our country by giving up an arm, or a leg, or half their skin to burns. He has a gift; he is amazingly good at what he does and he's chosen to use that gift in the most admirable way possible. Feel grateful, be proud, but don't feel sorry, not for me. There are far worse things that we could be facing, and I'm trying to remind myself of that everyday.

5 month pics, and other updates

I keep saying this, but I swear I've got the most beautiful daughter in the world. It really helps that we have an amazing photographer. I'll never be able to repay Chrissy for the pictures she's taken. She's documenting Leila growing up in a way I never could. She says she's going to try and help teach me how to use our SLR, which would be awesome since I'm going to be moving away sooner than later :/

Things have become much more complicated with Kolt's deployment than we thought, courtesy of some TDY's (trainings). But I think we've worked out most of the kinks by now and hopefully things will continue to iron out. Leila and I will be going home in April most likely during one of Kolt's trainings, then coming back to San Antonio, then going back to Idaho. LOTS of travel for a little girl, but I refuse to say goodbye to Kolt at the beginning of May. That turns a 6-7 month deployment into an 8-9 month one, NOT going to happen. He suggested this yesterday kind of casually and I immediately started crying. I can't even control it. The thought of being separated any longer than necessary just breaks my heart. It's times like that I have no clue how I'm going to survive 7 months without crying myself to sleep every night. I think the anticipation of him going might be worse than the actual deployment....

I've started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred today. A bunch of my fellow August 2010 moms have been doing it and I've wanted to get going with it for a month now. I won't lie, it was hard, but the idea of it getting easier and me getting into better shape is exhilarating! I've lost 43.5 lbs to date from my biggest at the end of my pregnancy, 5.5 lbs to go to make my pre-pregnancy weight. Once I get there, ideally I'd like to lose another 50 lbs, that would put me back to where I was in high school. I know that's a really TOUGH goal, but I figure if I don't push myself I'll never get anywhere. I've set up monthly goals to meet and I won't actually get down to that ideal weight until after Kolt has been gone for some time. I'm slowly but surely making my way there and even if I don't drop the additional 50 lbs, I think I would be happy with 30-40. I'll take some before and after pics so I can document my progress visually and not just with numbers.

I'm sure most of you reading this really could care less about my weight loss, but if I put it out there for everyone to read about, there's a certain amount of accountability there and I need to make sure I follow through with this....I'm TIRED of being over weight!

New Year, New Adventures

I was almost sad to see 2010 go. How can I not hold the year I gave birth to my daughter with happiness and peace? We waited so long for her I thought that would be the best time in my life. Simply not true. Now I look forward to a life of discovery and fun watching her grow up. Everyday she does something new, is becoming her own little person, and taking a hold of my heart even more. It's heart warming to see her grow and change each day. I feel so blessed to be her mother.

2011 is going to be a big year for our family. Leila will turn one, learn to walk, talk, get into trouble. Kolt will deploy this summer and Leila and I will move home. We got official word that he will be deploying. I can't say where or when exactly, but for the most part I'm pleased with his orders. Well, as pleased as you can be about something like this.

For New Year's Eve we went to the Sanders' house. Kerrie is currently deployed and was greatly missed at the party. We all got to skype with her briefly and now I'm thinking that this will be us next year. I try really hard not to focus on all of the things Kolt will miss while he's gone, because it only serves to depress me. Instead I'm going to try and focus on the blessing that it will be for Leila to be around her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. If it weren't for this deployment it would be years before we got to live back home with all of them. While she may not remember it when she's older, the family will and I know they will cherish it. They all adore her, and I can't blame them.

As for myself, I think this will be a year of self improvement and discovery. Kolt and I have been apart for two months before, but that is the longest. Add a daughter to the mix and I know it will be full of challenges. All the women I know who've been through it have come out better, stronger, and more independent, which is something I definitely need. I struggle with being confident in myself, not just physically, but intellectually as well. I miss school and having to use my brain like you can't imagine. I feel like I live in Kolt's shadow and haven't done much in the way of creating a life for myself. I'm Kolt's wife, I'm Leila's mom, but who am I to me? That's what this year is going to be about, figuring out my own identity. Not exactly sure how I'm going to do it, but I want to be making a post this time next year, with Kolt almost home, and have some very important self discoveries to discuss.