Keeping it all in Perspective

Today on the pregnancy blog I am on, we lost two more August mothers, for a total of 18 losses so far. One of the women was 4 days ahead of me and it just really hit home as to where I am in my pregnancy right now. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks three days, just 3 days from now. I can't imagine finding out now that our baby wasn't going to make it. I'm so in love with this child already, it's simply impossible to imagine getting past another late first trimester loss. Sometimes I still don't know how I've moved on from those losses. Time really is the only thing. I can't believe it's almost been 2 years since I lost my first baby.

The good news is this pregnancy has been completely different right from the start of either of my previous two. I'm still sick at 12 weeks, despite taking medication, for which I am extremely grateful for. I haven't had any spotting and did with both of my prior pregnancies. And the best part of all is I have my own doppler so that I can check in on my baby daily. With out that peace of mind I don't know how I'd be doing right now.

So I'm trying to just keep everything in perspective. Does it suck to be sick and throw up? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. That wonderful, albeit awful, reassurance has been very helpful in easing my fears. I know that there are much worse things than being tired and sick all the time, especially since it's all for a very wonderful reason.

I'm wearing maternity clothes now, I wouldn't say that I'm totally showing yet, but my old pants no longer fit. I've actually lost about 4 lbs so far this pregnancy, so I know it's all baby poking out and not fat! For which I am also very grateful.

Kolt and I have started picking out nursery furniture and decor. We won't be buying any for quite a while, but it's nice to have it planned out. We also have our car seat picked out, it's a Recaro car seat. For those of you who don't know (which I assume is all of you) Recaro manufactures racing seats for race cars, they just happen to make baby seats as well. Kolt wants nothing but the best for our little one, and so it will be the coolest kid on the block riding around in a black and red Recaro seat. Kolt wants to get the little peanut started out in their racing future as soon as he can.

Over all things are going very well, this is just kind of a scary week for me but I'm hoping to get past it and move on to the second trimester. Hopefully soon I'll be feeling the baby kick, which is an experience I've dreamt of and longed for my whole adult life. I feel so grateful to be pregnant and to so far not have had any complications. I love this child so much and can't wait to meet them!