I've been REALLY struggling lately with people annoying me, complaining about stupid things that just don't matter (yes I know they matter to them, but it's things that JUST aren't that big of a deal) and I just want to scream at them to get a dose of reality. Oh, you miss your husband because he works all day? Me too, except mine works 7000 miles away and we don't get to go to bed together at night. I just want to look at them and say "Shut up and be grateful he gets to come home at night. Be grateful you don't have to worry about him getting bombed and not coming home at all." This is completely unfair of me and I know it. The feelings remind me of when I had miscarried my babies and I'd have people come up to me and tell me they knew how I felt, only they had children when they lost theirs. I'd just think "Well at least you have children, I don't know if I'll ever be able to have any." That wasn't fair either, not at all. But regardless, it's how I feel, and I really don't like it.
I don't feel like I'm being negative (although re-reading this it certainly sounds like it) I'm just being a brat. What's going on in someone else's life has no effect on mine. Who's to say that woman can't miss her husband because he works long hours? Who am I to judge that situation? I don't know how to let these feelings go though. Maybe over time I'll stop being so cynical and be ok, but today and most days lately, I'm annoyed. If any of you military wives reading this have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it.
Kolt is still working his 13 hour grave shifts. Hasn't had a day off in a long time. Might get a day off in a few days, but we don't know for sure. He's proposing a new schedule to his commander, one that makes MUCH more sense and is fair to everyone, I'm just hoping he goes for it. Kolt says he's doing ok, but I worry about him and his lack of rest. How can I not? I'm also struggling with not being able to talk to him for longer than 10 minutes at a time. Even when we can talk, he's either rushing out the door to work, or it's late and we both need to go to bed and I feel guilty for keeping him. I was spoiled the first month getting to chat with him for hours a day, it made it feel like he wasn't so far away. Now I'm really missing him and it's hard, no other way to say it. I'm hoping this week goes better, at least as far as my emotions are concerned.
I'm another Air Force wife, and although the longest we went apart was 8 1/2 weeks for BMT, and haven't gone through a deployment yet, I do hope it gets better for you. I don't know what it's like yet when husbands deploy, and I'm hanging onto that knowing soon enough, I will. If it helps any, my biggest annoyance is with civilians (not like wife civilians, like me, but non-military whatsoever civilians) when they refuse to try to understand. Hang in there, and I hope you start to feel better about it all soon :)
ReplyDeleteHave you been writing him snail mail letters and mailing them? I know it's not the same as Skype, email and phone calls, but it may help you in the long run. And, he'll enjoy getting them in the mail in addition to care packages. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd, don't hesitate to call, email, pm, or text me anytime. :) We all need to vent or be "brats" every so often.
I won't lie - it sucks that Justin works these long hours and I never see him, but its nothing like the ache you have with your husband so far away. You will experience every kind of emotion during a deployment and thats okay. You'll have those days you feel sorry for yourself, get mad, annoyed, sad, or even those happy days when you get to have a good conversation together. The best feeling?? The day he comes home! It's the best feeling in the world and not everyone gets to experience that so its something to look forward to. :) I try to look at the brighter side of things when my husband is gone. There are tons of guys that are gone longer..I have Army friends that are gone for over a year. I would die and I have no idea how they do it. Also, be thankful you have Leila to keep you busy, because them being gone with out your baby there? Sucks even worse. The year Justin went to Korea was the worst year of my life. I'm so thankful I have my children now to keep me busy. He is going to be home before you know it and life will go right back to where you left off! It will be like he never left.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've had 2 miscarriages myself and I still think it would be incredibly harder if you didn't have any children. I already had my 2 girls when I had my miscarriages so I still felt incredibly blessed to have them even though I wanted more. I can't imagine if I would have lost my first baby. It would be so devastating.
Hang in there girl! You are doing great!!! *hugs*