Nine years ago...

Nine years ago today I went on the last first date of my life. I met Kolt while working at Convergys in Pocatello, ID in 2002. I thought he was cute but heard through the grapevine that he had a girlfriend, so I flirted but kept my distance. I was pleasantly surprised when I got a phone call from him to go out for Valentine's Day later on that week. I found out later he broke up with his girlfriend on February 13th to go out with me on the 15th. She was none too pleased, but her loss was my gain.

Kolt made me dinner and cheesecake from scratch. We went to a dance, to the movies, then hung out with his friends. I had NEVER kissed on a first date until that night, and I swear I knew then that I never wanted to kiss anyone else again. Six week later we were engaged and 6 months after that we were married. I was 18, he was 21 on that first date, 19 and 22 when we got married. Many people would kill their 19 year old daughter for being so quick to commit to a guy she barely knew, but it was RIGHT. I felt it from the top of my head to my tips of my toes after that first date. And knowing him now like I do, the fact that he committed to me so quickly is SO unlike him. He's shopped for cars longer than it took him to propose to me. I think he's shopped for shoes longer than 6 weeks, but I imagine he felt it too, that there would never be anyone else in the world who he would love as much.

When I think back over what we've been through in nine years together, that first date seems like a life time ago. We've graduated from college, bought and sold a house, moved across the country, joined the Air Force, suffered loss, and most importantly, finally had our gorgeous baby girl. We've grown individually and as a couple, and we're stronger because of it.

What I love most about us though, is that after nine years, I STILL get butterflies when I think about him. I'm excited to see him at the end of the day, miss him when he's away, and would rather be with him than anyone else in the world. We have our ups and downs, as all couples do, but at the end of the day, no matter what, I'm still crazy about him and he's still crazy about me, and that's the kind of love that lasts.

Baby Led Weaning

We decided to go with the Baby Led Weaning (BLW) method of introducing solid foods to Leila. Basically the premise of it is you wait until your babies are older (closer to 6 months or beyond) and start them with real food right from the start, no purees. They feed themselves and because of this they are more willing to try new foods and have less texture issues later on. We started Leila with this last night, and she did great! We gave her broccoli and peaches and she picked them up and gnawed on them like a champ. I'm so proud of my big girl!

Here is some more information on BLW if you are interested:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby-led_weaning

http://www.babyledweaning.com/

http://www.baby-led.com/

Just when things seem like they're going so well....

A kink is thrown in the hose. We had figured that when Kolt comes home from deployment that we'd move back on base, but into the brand new housing on the main base. I got a phone call from the housing office yesterday and they basically told me if we don't take a house in April when they're ready, that we won't get one when we come back. She said that they expect every house to be occupied by June and with Kolt coming home in January that there won't be anything for us. She also said we were more than welcome to reserve a house and pay the rent while Leila and I move back to Idaho..... um yea, NOT happening. I'm not giving them $8000 for a house we won't be living in.

The whole situation just sucks because we've put in our dues with this old POS house we're living in now. They're prioritizing those of us that have been stuck in this hell hole to get into the new housing first, but because Kolt is deploying and we're moving home, we lose our priority. At this point Kolt is going to send this issue up the chain of command. It's like we're being punished because he's deploying. Hopefully they can work something out because the idea of having no where to live when he comes back really stresses me out. I know a lot of people deal with that situation all the time, but I just don't want him to come home and take leave, and we spend that whole leave house hunting. I want to go on a VACATION! There's not much I can do about it now so worrying about it now will do no good, so I'm trying just to leave it for now and go back to it when it's more relevant.

Leila has become a roley poley! I put her down on her blanket to play and she can roll over and over and get across the room rather quickly. She gets a big kick out of it and it's great exercise for her, so I'm very pleased at her progress! It also has me less stressed out if she falls asleep on her belly, now I know she can flip over if she needs to.

I have finally over come my weight loss slump! It took the better part of January to get through it, but now I am two pounds away from my prepregnancy weight! Most of my old pants all fit now and I'm so proud of myself. I still have a long ways to go, but to have lost almost 50 lbs in 6 months is nothing to turn my nose up at. At some point I'll post before and after pictures, but not yet :)

Weight Woes and Plateaus

I decided to make this a separate post. I have hit the dreaded "plateau" with my weight loss. I started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred 6 days ago and have yet to lose a pound. I thought for sure by finally incorporating exercising that the pounds would just fly off of me, but just the opposite has happened. It has been so frustrating that I've been working my butt off and have nothing to show for it. I will keep at it though and hopefully by adjusting my eating I will be ok. I'm going to eat more, not less surprisingly enough. By incorporating healthy snacks and keeping my metabolism fed all day, I hope that will restart the weight loss. I think I've been eating way to little and I'm lucky my milk supply hasn't taken a hit. I think I've learned my lesson though. Wish me luck. If I get on the scale again to find I haven't lost any, I just may kill someone.

Also, Kolt and I have done some research and are attempting to eliminate as much high fructose corn syrup from our diet as possible. I've watched the commercials that are pro corn syrup and thought they made perfect sense, the problem is if you actually take the time to look at the labels on food it's in EVERYTHING. And I mean everything, so getting it in moderation is difficult unless you make a conscientious effort to avoid it. Kolt and I did this for the first time and it wasn't as hard as we thought, but you DO have to read labels. Also another note of caution, just because it says "Sugar Free" does not mean there is no corn syrup. In fact, it tends to have it more. Kolt was grabbing coffee creamer and reached for the sugar free one and it was sugar free, but had corn syrup instead. SNEAKY SNEAKY!

Kolt and I are just trying to make a good effort over all to eat better, whole grains, lower sugar, no HFCS, etc. Will we still eat junk? Of course, but less crap and more good quality food is what we're going for. One of the big reasons I want to make the switch is I don't want Leila eating that crap. I want only the best and healthiest things to go into her body, so why shouldn't I want that for myself? I hope this is the start of an over all life style change for us.

Pride, not sorrow

Yesterday Kolt and I were talking and I brought up the fact that it bothers me when I tell people that he is deploying and they respond with, "I'm so sorry." Granted, I know they are just trying to offer support in anyway they can and I know they aren't trying to sound patronizing or anything like that, but it's like they're offering condolences. I truly appreciate the support and concern, but THIS is what he signed up for. He wanted to take care of wounded soldiers and vets and deploying will be the best way for him to do that. He is very excited for the opportunity to go and it surprised me when he himself said he was getting the same response from people when he told them he was deploying. It's not something to be sorry about, it's part of his job and he is happy to do it.

Now, I know that I've been talking a lot how hard this will be on Leila and me, mostly just me, but that doesn't mean that I want or expect people to feel sorry for me. I may need a shoulder to cry because I'm going to miss him more than I can even possibly imagine, but don't feel sorry for me. Feel proud of Kolt. I'm married to an incredible man who is selflessly giving his time to take care of those who truly sacrifice for our country by giving up an arm, or a leg, or half their skin to burns. He has a gift; he is amazingly good at what he does and he's chosen to use that gift in the most admirable way possible. Feel grateful, be proud, but don't feel sorry, not for me. There are far worse things that we could be facing, and I'm trying to remind myself of that everyday.

5 month pics, and other updates

I keep saying this, but I swear I've got the most beautiful daughter in the world. It really helps that we have an amazing photographer. I'll never be able to repay Chrissy for the pictures she's taken. She's documenting Leila growing up in a way I never could. She says she's going to try and help teach me how to use our SLR, which would be awesome since I'm going to be moving away sooner than later :/

Things have become much more complicated with Kolt's deployment than we thought, courtesy of some TDY's (trainings). But I think we've worked out most of the kinks by now and hopefully things will continue to iron out. Leila and I will be going home in April most likely during one of Kolt's trainings, then coming back to San Antonio, then going back to Idaho. LOTS of travel for a little girl, but I refuse to say goodbye to Kolt at the beginning of May. That turns a 6-7 month deployment into an 8-9 month one, NOT going to happen. He suggested this yesterday kind of casually and I immediately started crying. I can't even control it. The thought of being separated any longer than necessary just breaks my heart. It's times like that I have no clue how I'm going to survive 7 months without crying myself to sleep every night. I think the anticipation of him going might be worse than the actual deployment....

I've started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred today. A bunch of my fellow August 2010 moms have been doing it and I've wanted to get going with it for a month now. I won't lie, it was hard, but the idea of it getting easier and me getting into better shape is exhilarating! I've lost 43.5 lbs to date from my biggest at the end of my pregnancy, 5.5 lbs to go to make my pre-pregnancy weight. Once I get there, ideally I'd like to lose another 50 lbs, that would put me back to where I was in high school. I know that's a really TOUGH goal, but I figure if I don't push myself I'll never get anywhere. I've set up monthly goals to meet and I won't actually get down to that ideal weight until after Kolt has been gone for some time. I'm slowly but surely making my way there and even if I don't drop the additional 50 lbs, I think I would be happy with 30-40. I'll take some before and after pics so I can document my progress visually and not just with numbers.

I'm sure most of you reading this really could care less about my weight loss, but if I put it out there for everyone to read about, there's a certain amount of accountability there and I need to make sure I follow through with this....I'm TIRED of being over weight!

New Year, New Adventures

I was almost sad to see 2010 go. How can I not hold the year I gave birth to my daughter with happiness and peace? We waited so long for her I thought that would be the best time in my life. Simply not true. Now I look forward to a life of discovery and fun watching her grow up. Everyday she does something new, is becoming her own little person, and taking a hold of my heart even more. It's heart warming to see her grow and change each day. I feel so blessed to be her mother.

2011 is going to be a big year for our family. Leila will turn one, learn to walk, talk, get into trouble. Kolt will deploy this summer and Leila and I will move home. We got official word that he will be deploying. I can't say where or when exactly, but for the most part I'm pleased with his orders. Well, as pleased as you can be about something like this.

For New Year's Eve we went to the Sanders' house. Kerrie is currently deployed and was greatly missed at the party. We all got to skype with her briefly and now I'm thinking that this will be us next year. I try really hard not to focus on all of the things Kolt will miss while he's gone, because it only serves to depress me. Instead I'm going to try and focus on the blessing that it will be for Leila to be around her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. If it weren't for this deployment it would be years before we got to live back home with all of them. While she may not remember it when she's older, the family will and I know they will cherish it. They all adore her, and I can't blame them.

As for myself, I think this will be a year of self improvement and discovery. Kolt and I have been apart for two months before, but that is the longest. Add a daughter to the mix and I know it will be full of challenges. All the women I know who've been through it have come out better, stronger, and more independent, which is something I definitely need. I struggle with being confident in myself, not just physically, but intellectually as well. I miss school and having to use my brain like you can't imagine. I feel like I live in Kolt's shadow and haven't done much in the way of creating a life for myself. I'm Kolt's wife, I'm Leila's mom, but who am I to me? That's what this year is going to be about, figuring out my own identity. Not exactly sure how I'm going to do it, but I want to be making a post this time next year, with Kolt almost home, and have some very important self discoveries to discuss.