He left...again, dangit!

I promise I will upload XC skiing pics sometime in the next few days! I just have to figure out how to do it with our new camera.

Kolt just left again so expect some random and possible sad blogs while he's gone, lol. It's what I do. I sit, an reflect, and sometimes that makes me sad.

On a good note, I've lost 7 lbs in the last couple of weeks. I'm hoping now that Kolt's gone again I can lose 2-5 more while he's gone. It's so much easier to exercise and eat well when I don't have to worry about feeding him and wanting to spend all my time with him.

I've had a rough couple of days emotionally. A few things have triggered some sadness over the miscarriages again and it's just been really hard. I also kind of got into an argument with some women I know online and I've just been a mess. Add that to Kolt leaving and needless to say I've been crying a lot the last few days. I just really wish I could have perfect faith to know that it happened for a reason and I'm a better person for it, but I can't. Some days I can accept it and feel like I have my whole life ahead of me, and some days I can't and feel like it's crashing down. I just really thought that by now, this far out from it, I would be totally ok, but I'm not and I really don't think I'll ever be, completely anyways. Someday I hope to look back at this time and this experience and know that I grew and learned from it, but I really do feel like that day is far off.

I just need to refocus on my goals and let this go I suppose. I always feel better after I run, maybe I should just go do that!